Christmas 2007
Russell's nearly famous Christmas letter
Katie(22), Jordan(22), Kay, Madison (1), Russell, Haley (7), Melissa(25), Matthew(29),
Ally(20)
Merry Christmas from the
Greens! For those of you who thought I wouldn’t get around to writing .
. . ha!! I’m just way behind this year. For those of you viewing this
via e-mail or the Internet, this is the “director’s cut” with far too
much holiday junk. Think of it like the cookies, candy and other junk
food you have seen since Thanksgiving. This electronic version also
includes my rendition of a politically correct “Twas the Night Before
Christmas.”
The following letter is
rated PG for poor attempts at sophomoric humor . . . Some of the
following content was gleaned from the Internet, so it must be true. The
rest is from me, so it must be truly suspect. On with the show!!
Alabama
was the first state to recognize Christmas as an official holiday.
This tradition began in 1836. It was not the first holiday in
Alabama
however. “Date your Sister”
was recognized as a holiday in 1809. Okay, I apologize, but I did say
PG-rated.
"Hot cockles" was a popular game at Christmas
in medieval times. It was a game in
which the other players took turns striking a blindfolded player, who in
his/her moment of stupidity had to guess the name of the person
delivering each blow. The game lost popularity when people finally
decided that getting whacked up-side the head was not a great way of
delivering holiday cheer.
 Today we call it the Fred
Meyer sock sale on the Friday following Thanksgiving. Kay and Melissa
storm the castle otherwise known as Fred Meyer. It is the only time of
the year in which either gets up before 7:00, unless motherly duties
call.
“Wassail” comes from the Old Norse “ves heill”
-- to be of good health. This
evolved into the tradition of visiting neighbors on Christmas Eve and
drinking to their health (stay
with me, I will tie all of this together, maybe).
A traditional Christmas dinner in early
England was the head of a pig
prepared with mustard. Some idiot apparently thought this was a good
idea, and probably came up with this stroke of culinary brilliance after
drinking to the good health of friends
(are you starting to see how I
expertly weave this all together?)
According to a survey, 7 out of 10 dogs get
Christmas gifts from their doting
owners. One out of one dog in the Green family may receive a gift this
year, but it won’t be in our household. Sadly, we had to find a new home
for Ginger the Wonder Dog earlier this year. She now has 350 acres on
which to roam! Matt and Melissa found new homes for their two dogs as
well, deciding any spare time would be absorbed by Madison (a wise call).
Madison
is a blast. While I have not completely adjusted to the title of grandpa
(actually poppy seems to be my given title), it is fun to watch her
grow. Matt and Melissa are great parents, but I can’t imagine how they
will top the recent first birthday “event,” complete with M&M candy
theme. A hall was rented, with about 60 in attendance. Madison is walking everywhere now, and her
vocabulary grows by the day, no doubt influenced by the barrage of words
that flows as she watches and listens to nana, mommy, Haley, Katie and
Allison.
Madison's Blog
http://marteneylove.blogspot.com/
Back to the dogs. The
only dog within the Green clan resides with Jordan and Katie (of course,
newlyweds, no kids . . . gotta have a dog!) Well, they have a wanna-be
dog. A blonde fuzzball with cute eyes and razor-sharp teeth named Lyla.
Upon receiving the dog as a gift from Jordan, Katie
made the comment, “This is the best day of my life!” Apparently the
wedding/marriage thing is more than a day, so it falls into a different
category.
Jordan and Katie live
nearby in Beaverton.
Jordan
was recently promoted to manager of H&M Motorsports, and is putting his
mechanical genius to work on an older
Kawasaki
motorcycle. Katie is taking a break from school, doting over the
aforementioned fuzzball, and working at US Bank.
Christmas trees are edible.
Many parts of pines, spruces, and firs can be eaten. The needles are a
good source of vitamin C. Pine nuts, or pine cones, are also a good
source of nutrition. They go well with pig heads, but only after
drinking to the health of everyone in your community.
According to the National Christmas Tree
Association, Americans buy 37.1
million real Christmas trees each year. The Green family continues to
hold up its end of the deal, as we braved monsoon rains from the
remnants of a tropical storm to bring our tree home. The 15-minute trip
must have set a family record that will probably stand forever. Despite
our brevity, Queen Kay declared the tree “perfect” when it was placed in
the living room.
America's
official national Christmas tree is located in King's Canyon National Park
in California.
The tree, a giant sequoia called the "General Grant Tree," is over 300
feet (90 meters) high. It was made the official Christmas tree in 1925.
Okay, who cares about
meters!? Besides, 300 feet sounds bigger than 90 meters doesn’t it? If I
told Kay her tree was less than three meters high, she would make me
take it back and find a bigger one. This brings to mind a recent
conversation in which Mrs. G lamented the lower ceiling height in our
Hillsboro
home (loyal readers may recall that our previous home had space for a
14-foot tree). I mentioned that we could build a vaulted ceiling in our
current living room, to which she gleefully responded “We can?!” When I
told her what it might cost to get another 2-3 feet of space, her voice
sank with recognition of something that wouldn’t be (whew!!). If she
can’t have at least 14 feet, forget it!
Speaking of tall trees,
the row of Douglas
firs that border our home survived another big windstorm recently. Last
year a large limb imitated a javelin, piercing our roof. We have a new
roof now, and the row of trees was thinned significantly by a horde of
tree trimmers.
 Electric Christmas tree
lights were first used in 1895. The idea for using electric Christmas
lights came from an American, Ralph E. Morris. The new lights proved
safer than the traditional candles. Ralph, who worked for the electric
company, received a promotion for his stroke of marketing genius. I am
now three years removed from my electric company career, although I
continue to work at Ruralite Services, a communications company for
electric utilities in eight states. I did my usual tour of duty at our
high school summer camp, played softball, imitated a golfer, and spent
most of my free time working around the house. We also took a few short
trips with the family.
In 1822, the postmaster in Washington, D.C.
was worried by the amount of extra mail at Christmas time. His preferred
solution to the problem was to limit the number of cards a person could
send. This approach, if applied to Mypreciouskid.com shipments, would
have disastrous impacts. Post Office workers should get a Christmas card
from Kay, as her business continues to grow. The postman generally knows
to come to the door for packages, and he is getting to know the MPK
staff of Melissa and Kay’s friend Mona. He may also run into his new
friends, the FedEx guy, the UPS guy and the DHL guy.
Kay's Business Web Site
http://www.mypreciouskid.com/
Kay continues to lead her
“Mommy2Mommy” class at church, but her most rewarding activity this year
is being Nana Kay to granddaughter Madison.
“Silent
Night” was hastily written with a guitar accompaniment
because the church organ was out of order on Christmas Eve, 1818. Today,
Allison writes not-so-hasty melodies and lyrics on her keyboard for her
band “Initiate the Parallel.” This seemingly thought-provoking name was
stumbled upon as a term in a
driver’s manual (apparently not
Oregon’s – I checked), and a band was born.
Allison is a rock star by night, and a personal banking representative
at US Bank by day. If you want to check out some of her musical talents
and upcoming shows, go to the band’s MySpace account (if you don’t know
about MySpace, ask someone under 25).
Allison's Band Blog
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=185729470
Allison is moving from
the apartment she shared with friend Amanda into a house with two other
young ladies. This past year she finished her associate degree studies,
and plans to take some time off from school for a while.
 Before settling on the name of Tiny Tim
for his character in "A Christmas Carol," three other alternative names
were considered by Charles Dickens. They were Little Larry, Puny Pete,
and Small Sam. Peewee Herman and Sponge Bob Square Pants didn’t fit
either, but that doesn’t stop Haley from watching the latter. Our little
source of perpetual energy entered the second grade, took a karate
class, then opted for jazz dance and soccer. She scored a goal in the
first game!
After "A Christmas
Carol," Charles Dickens wrote several other Christmas stories, one each
year, but none was as successful as the original. Kind of sounds like my
Christmas letters, doesn’t it?
New cars are the most asked for item on
American’s wish lists to Santa.
Okay, I made that one up, but what Green family Christmas letter would
be complete without some reference to cars? Matt continues to
work on
his ’71 Chevelle, commuting to his parent’s shop in Lebanon on
selected weekends. Melissa looks at the scattered parts and claims the
project a “junk pile.” Matt and I scoff at her lack of vehicular vision
and see a gleaming red and chrome masterpiece due for completion
sometime next year. In the meantime, Matt was able to boost cash flow
for his hobby (or was that for Madison’s birthday party?)
by receiving a promotion at Wells Fargo, where he works as an analyst
catching bad guys who launder money.
More diamonds are purchased at Christmas-time
(31 percent) than during any other holiday or occasion during the year.
On a recent trip to Las Vegas (on business of
course), Kay purchased a pendant and matching earrings garnished with
“man-made” diamonds. While God does a better job with his gems, man’s
version was much more reasonably priced!
Well, that is enough for
one Christmas letter. If you actually made it this far you are truly a
loyal reader. We appreciate you!
Merry Christmas, and may
God richly bless you and yours in the coming year!
Twas the night before winter holiday (CHRISTMAS!!),
when all through the
recently-weatherized-so-as-not-to-increase-our-carbon-footprint house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse that was intentionally
brought in by the family cat, Tinkerbell.
The Disney character stockings were hung by the wood-free chimney with
care,
In hopes that Al Gore’s inconvenient truth he would not share.
The children (well, Haley, Madison and Matt) were nestled all snug in
their beds,
While visions of sugar free-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her organic cotton ‘kerchief, and I in my fair trade cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the chemically free lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the double-pane window (remember that carbon footprint) I flew
like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The low-watt icicle lights on the lawn where there used to be snow (#*@*
global warming!)
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature hybrid sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer –
whose growth now is stunted by the lack of tundra caused by the melting
polar ice cap.
With a height-challenged mature driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he quietly whistled, and – so as not to in any way be demeaning –
called them by name!
"Yo yo Dasher! What up Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, hey, knock it off Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
If it’s not too much trouble – now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the ozone depleted sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of lead-free, non-China Toys, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in synthetic fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished from washing with phosphorous free
laundry soap that won’t clean the ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler (which of course, is a perfectly acceptable
occupation), just opening his pack.
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the paint on Al Gore’s Tennessee mansion and
private jet.
The stump of a pipe he used to hold tight in his teeth,
is now on a chain that encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a horizontally gifted face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!
He
was full-figured and weight challenged, a right jolly mature elf, err .
. . height challenged person,
And I laughed when I saw him, (although in no way should my laughter be
construed as mocking) Rather, I was laughing at myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread (like a lawsuit from his
attorney, who they call Big Fred).
He
spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Shut down the gas engine, we run on rechargeable batteries tonight!"
To view previous Christmas Letters go to
2003 /
2004 /
2005 /
2006 /
2007
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